Anthra -Alone-

Picture source: source


I just got home and I feel tired. I was driving in the hallways, and it was fun. I’m pretty crazy about driving actually, but I couldn’t care less about it. I like driving anyway.

I sit on the couch for a while, resting myself a bit. I live on my own since I can make a living from my current jobs. I’m both an artist and an author. I like to do something that uses creativity so I chose them. Being an author is a fun thing because you can share one’s thought to everyone who reads the book and make your own world.

I can say the same thing to be an artist too. You can share one’s thoughts with an illustration and create your own world. But unfortunately, they’re not always medicine for my illness. I’ve been lonely for too long. I may not smoke, but they said loneliness can be lethal as smoking 15 cigarettes per day.

Writing and drawing sure is fun things to do, creating a scenario where my characters interact with others is my favorite part. Especially when they have a strong bond. I actually do envy them. How nice, is the line I keep saying when there are nice things happened to other people.

Sometimes my jealousy fills over my head and makes my eyes teary. But of course, I wouldn’t let anybody see that. I don’t want to. I can’t imagine me being weak in front of someone. I can’t see how they would react either.

I once told about some of my stories and what had been bugging me to someone, but in the end, I regretted it. At first, they replied to my message, it was pretty quick I can say. But when I continue the story, they replied it pretty long. I bet they were talking to someone else.

I know it’s not their fault. It was just me who was craving for someone to care about me. I was stupid and I regretted it. I shouldn’t have told them, that line keeps repeating in my mind back then. But now I try not to think too much about anything. I’m too tired of overthinking things, but guess what?

I couldn’t stop myself from overthinking until now. My brain becomes really active when I’m about to sleep. It’s really annoying. I really want to stop to think and imagine things too much. But I don’t know how. I’ve been sitting on the couch from a few minutes ago and don’t even do a single thing but think.

I’m too tired and lazy to go upstairs but I need to take a bath and change my clothes. Guess I should just push myself then.

Since I have no one to talk to, I discuss things almost to myself alone. It hurts me. It’s no one’s fault, I know. Probably neither mine too. But I couldn’t help to feel this way and get irritated at some point.

I want someone to be by my side.

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